Monday, September 12, 2016

Describing what is in the video and write it and make it like a story

Today we had to write about a short clip we watched. Our goal was to describe IN DETAIL what we saw. This was just a practice so then when we wrote our own stories, we know how to write in detail and don't forget to leave things out. It helps the reader get a picture in their head, like a movie, of what I am writing.

This is the clip we used.
(Only the first 1 minute - about the boy sleeping through his alarms)



This is what I wrote.   The gentle breeze blow through the open window.The curtains swayed so  safely.There was a dark gray speaker there was a clock in it the time was 6:59 then it turned to 7:00 and it said good morning.The volume went up and a nice steady jam came on and it died,someone turned it off and it was a boy,he jumped on the smooth bed and his head on the dark blew pelow. After that the clock on his phone rang and rang when he was not looking he reached out for the phone he was trying to look for it and he got it he turned it off it slept out of his hand because he was fulling asleep.So the 3ed clock went on it was so so loud he was so angry he turned around and got his gun from under his pelow could bb gun he got it and he shoot the bullet at it and it went off.Now the gun slept off his hand again.So when he dropped the gun all of the clocks went on it was super loud because the all rang and rang.he was more angrier than before.
than he got out off bed and smashed everything all of the clocks that were on.He did it very fast than got in bed and the plankt landed on him nice and clear.

His foot was squishy he went under his plankt he was shaking he got out off bed and and smashed everything very fast he went back to bed the plankt landed on him

Do you think I have described what happened in lots of detail?
Please leave me a comment to let me know if I did achieve my goal or not. Attachments area Preview YouTube video Alarm Alarm