Thursday, March 16, 2017

WALT self -check our stories using a rubric.

The story i wrote on Monday

Monday 13th march 2017

Today in room 7 Miss Ashley showed us a box she said ‘’what is this’’ and my whole class yelled it was a box it was made out of recycled coke box she said ‘’no this is not just a box it is my magic box’’ and she told us what to do.


She told us that she was going to chose someone to come up.She is going to blindfold them,after that when she blindfold’s that person the person she is going to put something in the magic box and she chose Syraiah-lee, she got blindfolded and Miss Ashley put mustard in the box.

She was scared like she was going to full of a cliff.When she put her hand in the box she squealed ewww!! and the class was laughing,she could not get what it was so she said ‘’can you just tell me what it is?


After her turn it was finally my turn i went up with coffedents but as soon the blindfold went on my eyes i felt like the world disappeared i was a little scared when everyone yelled wooooooo!! I was frightened because it might be something disgusting i put my shaky hand in the bowl, I put my hand in and i just yelled ‘’ewwwww! What the what is this it felt like jel and cream and the color was white, my hand was hard to move my hand in.Miss Ashley gave me a hint she said ‘’most man use it’’ this was going to be hard so i just gave up and i took the blind off and it was shaving foam.



It was so fun i wish we can do that again but with food only.  
         



The story i edit on Tuesday
Monday 13th march 2017

Today in room 7 Miss Ashley showed us a box she said ‘’what is this’’ and my whole class yelled it was a box it was made out of recycled coke box she said ‘’no this is not just a box it is my magic box’’ and she told us what to do.

She told us that she was going to chose someone to come up.She is going to blindfold them,after that when she blindfold’s that person the person she is going to put something in the magic box and she chose Syariah-lee, she got blindfolded and Miss Ashley put mustard in the box.

She was scared like she was going to full of a cliff.When she put her hand in the box she squealed ewww!! and the class was laughing,she could not get what it was so she said ‘’can you just tell me what it is? As I stood waiting, my heart was beating fast.        

After her turn it was finally my turn i went up with coffedents but as soon the blindfold went on my eyes i felt like the world disappeared i was a little scared when everyone yelled wooooooo!! I was frightened because it might be something disgusting i put my shaky hand in the bowl, I put my hand in and i just yelled ‘’ewwwww! What the what is this it felt like jel and cream and the color was white, my hand was hard to move my hand in.Miss Ashley gave me a hint she said ‘’most man use it’’ this was going to be hard so i just gave up and i took the blind off and it was shaving foam.Ew.



It was so fun i wish we can do that again but with food only.  

Sentence starters to use:
  • As I stood waiting, my heart was
  • I put my hand nervously into the box, and I felt
  • When Miss Ashley put the blindfold on, it felt like
  • The class giggled as

Did I remember to include….
Yes
Title
Yes
Introduction
Yes
Who, what, when, where, why, how
Yes
3 paragraphs - burger model
Yes
Conclusion - my own thinking/reflection
Yes
Specific adjectives
Yes
Simile/Metaphor
Yes
Different punctuation
Yes
Short sentence for effect
Yes
Correct spelling throughout the story
Yes
A sentence you have added in editing
Yes
A sentence you have moved in editing
Yes  
Sentence starters given



         

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